| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2003|01:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 3 Doors Down - Loser | ] |
O Fiendishly Perky Mistress, I have failed you.
I am a contemptible and incompetent evil-doer. I was not worthy to bear your mantle and move against the do-gooders in your name. I am worth less than the maggots underneath a restaurant dumpster on a muggy afternoon. My defeat is complete and an embarrassament to our cause. Correction, your cause, as I was not worthy of it.
May your cute button eyes never behold another abject deadbeat like my unworthy self, and may your fuzzy paws never become sullied with the dishonor that this pathetic excuse for a minion has brought upon you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2003|04:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Starship - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now | ] |
//firewall against those who are not in league with her fiendish adorableness//
All is proceeding better than I could have possibly guessed. The dark-haired male associate of the slayer minion has visited this place of business each morning to collect more of the tainted beverage, and each morning I give him a thermos along with my feigned well-wishes. This is a fortuitous happenstance, as the additional dosage only strengthens the effects on the slayers.
Yesterday, the slayer minion called, not knowing who she was, but under the impression that she may be scheduled to work. I chuckled privately, while letting her know that her labors would not be necessary on that occasion. Should she call again, I may have her work a shift and invite my mistress to visit and be entertained by the slayer's useless efforts.
Unless measures are taken in the next week, the effects will be permanent. My mistress cannot be stopped now. The Nancing and Preening One will be most pleased with my progress.
//end firewall// |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2003|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
//firewall against all employees, their associates, and those who may not support The Gleeful Minxish One//
The slayer minion was not at work today. One of her associates in the cause of good appeared on our doorstep and pleaded illness. I believe he called it, "The Flu." I acted appropriately concerned for her well-being and gave him a thermos full of Tazo Green Ginger Tea and "Best wishes for her good health and a speedy recovery."
I am gratified by this turn of events. Things are proceeding ahead of schedule. Her Ebullient Fluffiness will be most pleased.
//end firewall// |
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| All is proceeding according to plan. |
[Sep. 14th, 2003|11:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Clay Aiken - This Is The Night | ] |
//firewall against all employees, their associates, and those who may not support She Who Brings New Meaning To V. V. Cute//
I "hired" (the strange human word for enslaved) a new minion cashier a few days ago. I am quite fond of her. She reminds me of the Delightfullly Villainous One in temperament, and she makes the slayer minion turn various shades of red, which is highly entertaining.
I have spent the evening increasing the levels of the chemicals in our beverage mixes. By next weekend, the slayers of Cleveland will be completely useless to the Cause of Good.
I love my job.
//end firewall// |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2003|01:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | productive | ] |
//firewall against all employees, their associates, and those who may not support The Nancing One//
I find one aspect of this role to be most amusing. The slayer (pardon, A slayer) is forced to work for me, a mere minion, as my minion, although she knows not that she is bringing about the neutralization of herself and her fellow slayers that reside in in this area. Her Fluffyness is truly a genius.
In fact, Her Preened Sumptuousness has asked me to increase the additives in the beverages starting this weekend. Soon, chaos will reign as the slayers of Cleveland will no longer be a threat to She Who Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With Fabric Softener. Of course, once the full effects are felt, this slayer will be useless as an able-minded "employee". Already her work is falling short, a fact that I berate her soundly for regularly and take great pleasure in doing so. Therefore, I will begin the hiring process.
//end firewall//
Starbucks is hiring!
Our success depends on your obedience success. Our ability to accomplish what we set out to do is based primarily on our slaves the people we hire - we pretend to call each other "partners." We are always focused on our people so that they don't step out of line. We provide opportunities to develop your skills, further your career, and help us take over the world achieve your goals.
At Starbucks, you’ll find a commitment to excellence among our partners; an emphasis on evil respect in how we treat our customers and each other; and a dedication to chaos social responsibility.
We look for people who are adaptable, self-motivated, passionate, submissive creative team players. If that sounds like you, why not bring your talents and skills to Starbucks? We are growing in dynamic new ways and we recognize that the right menials people, offering their eternal servitude ideas and expertise, will enable us to continue our success.
Starbucks Coffee Company is an Equal Employment Opportunity employer. All qualified applicants will be forced to do Her will receive consideration for employment without regard to race, dimensional national origin, gender, age, religion, disability, sexual orientation, veteran status, or marital status.
Interviews by appointment only. Ask for Dreg Doug. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2003|01:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Clay Aiken - Bridge Over Troubled Water | ] |
//Firewall against all those who, in their extreme ignorance, do not support my Mistress//
I am indeed the luckiest of minions, for I do very much enjoy the work that She Who Nances And Preens has assigned to me. The camouflage that she created for me in her wisdom is perfect for her needs, and I shall continue to follow her orders so that her scheme may come to fruition.
Other than the service to my mistress - which is the greatest joy I could ever receive - the most marvelous part of my insignificant task is ordering my own minions to show up to this, our place of evildoing, and complete the tasks I give to them. And all I need to control them are little slips of paper with numbers on them that become their currency. I had no idea that controlling young humans would be so easy. But, I am but a minion... who am I to understand the mysteries of the universe?
I must end this update now. We seem to have run out of caramel. I shall berate the minions employees accordingly, as that is my role.
//End Firewall// |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2003|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
Upon the orders of She Who I Now Serve, I now have a journal to better communicate with Her Adorable Evilness.
Her current ingenious plan is proceeding just like she said. My insignificant role in her brilliant scheme brings me great pleasure, and I shall succeed with all tasks given to me. May her cuddly glory magnificence live forever.
Plus, I get my own "minions" with this plan - except they use the term "employees." What a strange word.
She is truly the evil being who put the cute in acute. I live so that she may nance and preen for eternity. I am honored that She Who Makes The Masses Say "Awwwwwww..." As They Tremble In Fear has taken me into her service. |
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evilminion's journal